"Grandma, look, here is the Ukrainian flag!" A story of one return

Being in a territory temporarily occupied by the enemy is very scary. Especially if relatives or loved ones currently serve in the ranks of the Armed Forces of Ukraine. When you manage to take at least one person from the hands of the enemy, it is incredible luck and happiness. Especially when it comes to children, whose return from the temporarily occupied territories is as difficult as those who were deported to the Russian Federation.

Perhaps Russia's most formidable weapon is time. Every new day makes it possible to return the child, because the Russians are trying to change the identity of this child. The smaller the child, the easier it is to brainwash him.

At the end of May 2023, the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) launched a special project "The Way Home". Since the start of the full-scale invasion, the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) and partner organizations have succeeded in returning/reuniting 172 children with their families.

"We help those who cannot leave on their own. Every time it is a special operation that requires an individual approach to each case, says Daria Kasianova, head of the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) board. – There are no developed international mechanisms, and it is impossible to guarantee a successful result. The return process can take up to two months. From the moment of applying for help with the return of the child, the experts of the "Way Home" project are with the parents or people who decided to go to take the child back. They help prepare for the trip and are in constant contact all the way home. And after returning, the child and his whole family fall into the caring hands of social workers and a psychologist."

It is worth noting that not all parents of returned children, and even more so the children themselves, are ready to tell their story because they had to go through too strong psychological shocks. Therefore, we hope that the story of Valentyna Mykhailivna, her two small grandsons named Sashko and Bohdan, who managed to be taken out of the temporarily occupied territory of Luhansk region, her daughter and the children's mother Daryna, who serves in the Armed Forces of Ukraine and has not been able to see her family for almost two years, will increase determination to seek help for those who need it. The names of the heroes of the story have been changed for reasons of family safety.

 

Valentyna Mykhailivna

Almost from the very beginning of the full-scale invasion, Valentyna Mykhailivna and her grandchildren – three-year-old Sashko and four-year-old Bohdan – found themselves under occupation. The Russian military entered the village in Luhansk region, where the situation has been relatively calm since 2014. The children's parents and Valentyna Mykhailivna's husband had already served in the Armed Forces of Ukraine for several years at that time. "In 2016, the daughter was pregnant with the youngest grandson. One day, the husband suddenly says: "So what, is my grandson going to live like this? I want him to be born in a free country," says Valentyna Mykhailivna. – He didn't even tell me that he was passing the Military Medical Commission of Ukraine. I learned about his decision when he was about to leave. His daughter followed him when the eldest grandson turned one. She found out that she was pregnant with her second son at the military training center. She gave birth, stayed with the child for a month and returned to military service."

Valentyna Mykhailivna could not leave the village with her children when the Russians came to her. "They met the full-scale war, like everyone else, in a state of shock," says the woman.  – Before the occupation, we prepared Molotov cocktails. But they wouldn't have helped there because there were a lot of Russian troops and сonvoys of tanks, for many days...

At first there was panic: how to take children without parental documents? Then it seemed that there was an opportunity, but a car was needed. However, many people in Luhansk region were waiting for the "Russian world". It was not possible for us to leave. When the car was found, they began shelling the road from Starobilsk to the Dnipro. And I was afraid. But bags with necessary things were always ready with me. I only changed clothes in them – according to the season.

People did not tell about us right away – they probably felt sorry for the children. After all, when the Russians entered our territory, everyone whose family members served or are serving in the Armed Forces of Ukraine was checked. Russian soldiers walked and drove through the streets, we sat quietly at home, and nothing bad or unusual seemed to happen. The Russian military had nothing to do with children. However, they had no one to talk to. Many parents with children who lived on our street were waiting for the Russians. They forbade their children to play with my grandchildren. So, I tried my best to entertain them at home. But these are just children, they wanted to communicate with their peers... 

Some time later, when the troops of the Luhansk People's Republic entered the village, people did tell about us. Regular searches began. The military came with machine guns and in masks, only the eyes were visible. I brushed it off as best I could, even now I am ashamed of it. I told that my husband left me a long time ago, and my daughter left me her children and went to work in Poland.

The children did not understand what was happening. Once Bohdan spoke to a military man: "Let them shoot from the machine gun." The military man said: "No, you can't shoot." They did not offend the children. Sometimes they even stopped near them on the street and gave them something – candy or Russian money. But I was scared. At the very beginning, when the Russians first entered the village, the youngest grandson even walked down the street and sang the Ukrainian national anthem. But the grandson was still too young then, and he could not sing the hymn clearly, so only I understood what he was singing. The older one understood more, he was silent, but at home he painted the Ukrainian flag.

Before the full-scale invasion, I had no idea that I was a patriot of my country. She spoke Surzhik and did not think that it would be so disgusting and painful for me to hear the Russian language. I didn't turn on the TV. Except that I sometimes turned it on to watch a movie. And I was not the only one. We tried to communicate in the Ukrainian language. And when the Russians got angry ("Speak Russian!"), we answered: "Well, as best we can."

With a laugh, Valentyna Mykhailivna recalls how, at the beginning of the occupation, the Russians asked locals for directions to the store. They explained as confusingly as possible in Ukrainian, and then they were happy when foreigners wandered around the store. "We couldn't do anything significant (because at the beginning all kinds of situations happened – people were taken to the basement, and then people disappeared, they never came back from there), but to make a small joke – why not? It was nice. At some point, we simply stopped being afraid of them.

But at the end it was already terrifying – they started blackmailing us. I hid all the photos, but they found the contact of my daughter (grandchildren's mother) in my phone. To talk to her via the Internet, we traveled 100 kilometers away – there was no connection in the village. One day I forgot to delete her number and it was found. They took the phone and started writing to Daryna on our behalf. Thank God, I managed to warn her about it from the neighbor's phone.

Once a soldier came, already without a mask. He said that Daryna must cooperate with the occupiers, otherwise me and the children will be in danger. The same things were said to the daughter. We were photographed with the children, the photos were sent to her. They demanded that the positions of our military be surrendered. But Daryna immediately reported this to the appropriate authorities, and continued to correspond with the occupiers with the permission and under the supervision of the services.

In order to take the children out, it was necessary to make Russian documents – there was no other way. But I did not have my daughter's documents. The niece, who was in Kyiv, found the website of the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) on the Internet and contacted them. My sister and brother had to get Russian passports. Daryna made a power of attorney to take out the children. And one day a bus came for us. The journey lasted almost a day."

In a third country, the family stopped to rest, and then tried to get to Ukraine by train. But the children were not not allowed to go abroad,. "I had hysterics. I didn't know how to survive that night," recalls Valentyna Mykhailivna. She called her niece, and she called the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN). Another route was developed. In the end, the family managed to move to Poland, and from there to Ukraine. It happened a week before the New Year.

"Grandma, look, here is the Ukrainian flag!" – Valentyna Mykhailivna recalls the first words of her eldest grandson at the border. – And I told him: "Now it will always be like this. And the military is only ours, the Ukrainian ones."

Now the grandmother and children are safe in a town near Kyiv. Daryna's mother rents an apartment. Sashko and Bohdan went to kindergarten. They get used to it gradually, a new life has begun for them. "During the occupation, the grandchildren quickly learned to distinguish by sound which car is driving down the street and which type of weapon is flying in the sky," says Valentyna Mykhailivna. – They were very afraid of airplanes. And now, when a bus passes by, they think it's a plane. In addition, siren sounds also scare them."

Psychologists work with children. "There is still a lot to do with them," the woman sighs. – In order to remove all the negativity that my grandchildren felt when they were insulted by other children during the occupation, and they could not stand up for themselves, I was afraid that angry parents would tell the Russians about us. And if the older one understands the situation that is happening more, then the younger one fought with everyone he didn't like. Apparently, he has to live through it."

 

Daryna

"I have been serving in the army since 2018," says Daryna, the children's mother. – Until 2014, when the war began, I never saw people in uniform. When Severodonetsk was recaptured, a roadblock was set up near our village, almost in the forest. In 2015 and 2016, I went to the soldiers with a volunteer I knew. She brought them cigarettes, water, and food. The military were the most authoritative people for me. And then I told everyone that I would go to the front as soon as I turned 18. Then they got into the Battle of Ilovaisk, from which not all of them returned. We are still in touch with the survivors. They were shocked that I kept my word and went to serve in the army in 2018.

I left home a few days before the start of a full-scale war, I came on vacation. A few days after my return to the military unit, rocket attacks began all over Ukraine. I could not call home and was very scared.

We went to defend Kyiv. I heard in the news that Severodonetsk was captured. It's hard for me to put into words how scared I was. I understood that sooner or later people would tell about me, I was worried about my mother and children. She knew that those who fought for Ukraine were kept in basements.

I must have been unable to call my family for several months, so I was very happy when my mother reached out.

I was betrayed by my own friends, with whom I communicated and whom I supported. "Guests" started coming to the house of my mother and my children with automatic weapons. They threatened, took away the phone. But I already knew who would write to me. I informed the competent services, they told me to play along. The correspondence is still saved in the phone. The occupiers threatened me, sent me photos of children. I ran away as far as possible from my place of stay, changed into civilian clothes and sent them "circles" in Telegram so that they could make sure that I was a civilian. And so it continued every day. I said that I was in Kyiv and had just arrived from Warsaw.

They asked me to send them my documents. I sent my "passport". The occupiers checked my passport in the database and found nothing. At first they talked normally, they persuaded me to go home to my children. They even once sent money for the trip. Then they stopped playing, started blackmailing the family, demanding that I work for them and provide them with information: where the military is stationed and where the equipment is. Even on the last day, before leaving, the occupiers visited my mother and my children.

Everyone was worried about my family. We were looking for any way to get my mother and children out. My superiors even offered to send people there. I had nervous breakdowns. I was ready to go after them myself, but they stopped me. And then my cousin called and said that she found the website of the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) on the Internet. Come on, let's try it, she said. Before that, we tried many options, but nothing worked. The carriers demanded my mother pay money in advance and then cheated her. These were considerable sums of money.

These were considerable sums of money.

I remember calling this organization and asking how much it would cost. And they answered me: it will not cost anything, the organization has been doing this for free since 2014. I even thought: how come you don't have to pay? Maybe they are some scammers? But everything turned out to be true.

My sister called the organization. I only had to send photocopies of documents for the children and make a power of attorney for their removal. Some time passed, and one day my sister called me to say: they left to pick up my mother and children. I did not see my family for two years, and I could not come to my senses from joy – I cried and laughed.

The commander gave me leave and said that he would bring me personally. I arrived in Kyiv on December 18. The family was already on their way. She rented a two-room apartment, decorated a Christmas tree, and bought gifts. I was shaking from nerves. As I was leaving the children's store, my sister called and said: "They were not allowed to go abroad, because a third country was not written in the power of attorney." I had hysterics. I had already imagined how I would meet them, and here such a situation happened. I cried and prayed all night. And the next day they were let through another border.

I met them at the Kyiv railway station and could not believe it. It seemed like a dream. My mother and I cried. And the children did not recognize me. They were too young when I had to leave them - a month and a half and a year. And almost two years have passed since then. The children were exhausted from the road and did not understand who was in front of them. In addition, both boys fell ill after the difficult journey. At first it was difficult. But now, thank God, everything is fine. When I arrive, they go everywhere with their mother. When I go to the military unit, they tell me: "Mom, tell your commander that you have children and you need to go home."

Probably, a lifetime will not be enough to thank for what the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) and personally Svitlana Zabava have done for us..."

"Daryna's cousin turned to us for help," says Svitlana Zabava, case manager of the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN). –  Came to our office, provided the contacts of the children's mother. We have completed all the documents. First, one route was developed. But then I had to develop another one. We were constantly in touch and supported them. The journey lasted a week. Thank God, all checkpoints were passed, and the family reached Kyiv. After their return, the Public Union "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN) began to take care of them. A needs assessment was completed and a psychologist was provided to work with family members online.

Each such story is unique. The most difficult thing, perhaps, is to win people's trust, because usually they contact by phone. The person does not see me. And it is important to find the words so that this person trusts. After all, the person should send me copies of all documents. This whole procedure is based on trust.

When we start communicating with family, there is always some fear of not living up to some expectations. Because the human factor cannot be canceled. For example, sometimes we come across unscrupulous carriers. And if everything works out, I'm happy for every child that comes back."

If your child was a victim of displacement to the Russian Federation or to a territory temporarily not under the control of the government of Ukraine, you can contact:

— by phone: +380 50 015 58 46

— through a private message on the Facebook page of the Ukrainian the "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" (UCRN): https://www.facebook.com/ukrainianchildrightsnetwork 

— to e-mail: ucrn.office@gmail.com

— through the contact form on the website: https://childrights.org.ua/kontakty/ 

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The material was prepared within the framework of the "Way Home" project, aimed at finding and returning children displaced to the Russian Federation or to territories temporarily not controlled by the government of Ukraine. The project is implemented by the "Ukrainian Child Rights Network" in partnership with the international humanitarian organization Save the Children in Ukraine.  

Also partners of the network in the project are the Ministry of Reintegration of the Temporarily Occupied Territories of Ukraine, the EDUKIDS Charitable Fund, and the Media Initiative for Human Rights.

The materials developed within the project do not necessarily reflect the official position of Save the Children.

Read this article in Ukrainian and russian.